First quarter of the #%^@##%@# year

2009,

I hate you. For life.

2009: What the hell did I fucking do this fucking time, fuck-head?

Can the cussing. You are officially the worse year of my life. Along with 2005 and 2006.

2006: Welcome to the freaking club.

2009: Just because your life sucks doesn't mean it's my fault, m'kay? Grow a backbone, loser. And stop your complaining.

...Wasn't telling me that conscience's job?

2009: You're pathetic.

I know.

2009: And you suck. And you're arrogant.

...Did you just call me arrogant? Dude, big mistake. I have next to nothing for self-esteem, I hate myself. How does that make me arrogant? If I were, I would be a show-offy son-of-a-bitch all day, all year. Am I? I should think not.

2009: You just like to cloud your own vision with lies to make you feel better.

Emo: Take him out, sir?

No, no, let him speak.

2009: Also, it's because of you and-

Guys, pummel him, shoot him, drag him all around, I don't care. Have fun.

Violence: Yeeeeesssssssss......>=D

Eno: Yeehaw! =D


I hate this year. I dislike change. Sometimes it can be good, sometimes it can be bad. This change from 2e5 to 3e7...Is in between. In one way, it's good because well, I'm in sec 3 and all.

Bad because...I feel as if I don't belong in the damn class. It's not anyone's fault. It's because of my poor ability to adapt. I keep feeling that everyone hates my guts. Heck, won't blame anyone. I wouldn't like a friend who can, and will figure out what's going on in your head, what you're thinking.

Rubriks complex, I hate you. Inferiority complex, I hate you.

Ego: *In full knights armor* Prepare to do battle, o inferior one! *Charges*

Wait. Rubriks complex, stay. Ego, go for it.

Sigh...I guess I just don't belong anywhere, except out on the streets alone.

School: Left alone. Can't fit in anywhere.
Home: Feel inferior compared to everyone else.

Outside, alone: Perfect.

I'm the damn reason they invented the term outcast, dammit. I demand a medal. Or pie. Whatever comes first.

Forget the big question of what's the meaning of life and what the hell is the meaning of everything. I just wanna know where I'm not considered an outcast. Somewhere I will be accepted for who the hell I am.

That little, self-doubting freak with weird hobbies. That little nerd who couldn't care less if the world ended. That emo who couldn't give a shit if people died.

Please. I hate this. HATE IT.

2005 and 2006 were the catalyst of my slow descent to obscurity and insanity. I sometimes wonder what would happen if I never experienced the things that happened during 2005 and 2006. The many jeers and insults by my 'classmates'. All those derogatory terms and names. Did anyone stick up for me? I think not. It's a free-for-all world.

Kill or Be Killed.

Subconscious: You need to talk to someone.

Do I? Nope. I kept my emotions in check for a long time. I can keep them in longer. Forever, If I can.

Subconscious: Not a good idea, mate.

I know. But it's one that works.

All these conflicting emotions....I don't think I can handle keeping them in anymore. It hurts too much.

Why god, have you forsaken me?

Emo: Wow. Longest emo post you ever wrote. I'm impressed.

Shut up.

Subconscious: Come on man, work on it. Let one of your emotions out. Any one!

Happiness: PICK ME!

Not you.

Nope. Never going to. Too used to not feeling much already. Nothing gets to me. Ya'll here!? NOTHING.

My implosion is imminent. Keeping all these...'Burdens' in check is taking a toll.

But I will deal with it.

My problem. Not anyone elses.

Ergo, my solution.


Cognito, Ergo sum.

~CSF

Emo: Wow. Emo-ish post without my intervention. Something must be wrong. *Whips out magnifying class* It's up to detective emo to solve it!